How long before she says, 'Your Honor, I'd like to submit Exhibit A: my Instagram story with the crying face filter.'

493

The real friends were the royalty checks we cashed along the way.

972

Twenty million a year, the only thing residual from my last job is the trauma and unpaid overtime from 2019.

472

The Free Britney crowd is real quiet right now, but don't worry, they'll be back as soon as they finish their Free Luigi signs.

1101

Somewhere William is reading this headline and just slowly closing his laptop.

1100

Well, he is making that task incredibly easy for his kids. Oh, the things parents do for their children. Just kidding, no disrespect to the prince.

592

He's asking fans to buy all his merch, which is the first true emergency he's ever reported.

877

Must be hard losing your company to a satire site and still somehow being the least believable one in the room.

335

$49,000 is a small price to pay for not getting slapped at an awards show.

814

Will's friends now require a security deposit and a credit check.

368

Is his first piece of advice to hire a much younger assistant?

1201

Forget the lecture, just put his ex wife on stage with a microphone and a two drink minimum.

301